Read time: 4 mins
In coaching sessions, I often work with executives and professionals from different industries—and again and again, I witness deep frustrations on both sides of the leadership equation.
Those in management roles speak of burnout, the constant pressure to deliver, and a lack of ownership or quality from their teams. Meanwhile, team members talk about feeling overwhelmed, underappreciated, and left out of decision-making.
Both sides want things to change. Both sides feel stuck. And underneath it all, both are often waiting for “better leadership” to arrive—from someone else.
But what if leadership isn’t something we receive? What if it’s something we become?
The Misunderstanding at the Heart of the Leadership Gap
We tend to think of leaders as those in high-ranking roles—executives, managers, directors. And while formal authority does come with influence, it doesn’t guarantee leadership. True leadership is not about power or position. It’s about presence, responsibility, and intention.
As Simon Sinek put it clearly:
“Leadership is not about being in charge. It’s about taking care of those in your charge.”
This is where the disconnect begins. When leadership is treated like a reward or entitlement, we focus more on roles than relationships. But people don’t follow job titles—they follow trust, vision, and example. And those can only be built from the inside out.
What Leadership Really Is
Leadership is not a skill you put on once you get the title. It’s a practice. A way of being. A daily decision to take responsibility—not just for outcomes, but for how you contribute to the world around you.
It is visible in the small moments:
- It’s how you listen when you are rushed
- How you handle conflict when emotions are high
- How you show up when things are uncertain
- How you treat people who can do nothing for you.
It’s doing the right thing when it’s hard. Giving credit when it’s due. Taking the blame when it isn’t easy. These small, consistent acts shape the culture around us—and more importantly, they shape who we become.
Everyone Is a Leader
If we stop equating leadership with authority, we unlock something powerful: everyone has the potential to lead.
A parent guiding their child through a hard moment. A colleague mentoring a newcomer. A student who speaks up for fairness. These are all acts of leadership. Not because someone gave permission—but because someone chose to step forward.
“Leadership is not about a title or a designation. It’s about impact, influence, and inspiration.” — Robin Sharma.
You don’t need a corner office to have impact. You don’t need a team to influence others. You don’t need a badge to inspire. Leadership is available to anyone willing to take responsibility and act from values, not ego.
Why Real Leadership Is Rare
If leadership is so accessible, why don’t more people practice it?
Because it’s uncomfortable.
It requires self-awareness. It asks us to change habits, challenge assumptions, and lead ourselves first. It forces us to examine what we value—and whether we’re living up to it. And that’s hard. It’s far easier to blame others, point to external problems, or stay in familiar patterns.
Science backs this up. Recent studies from 2024 and 2025 confirm that self-awareness isn’t just a “soft skill”—it is a performance driver. Research published in Cogent Business & Management and Management Review Quarterly shows that leaders who practice self-regulation and mindfulness actively build higher trust and productivity in their teams. Conversely, a lack of self-awareness is directly correlated with lower employee motivation. It is not just about feeling good; it is about functioning well.
This echoes Warren Bennis’s timeless insight:
“Becoming a leader is synonymous with becoming yourself. It is precisely that simple, and it is also that difficult.”
Leading Your Life
When we strip leadership of its labels and view it as a way of being, something shifts: it becomes a deeply personal journey. It’s no longer about running a team or company. It’s about how you lead your own life—with clarity, with courage, and with integrity.
Brené Brown describes a leader as “anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes and has the courage to develop that potential.” That includes your own.
So start with you.
Don’t wait for the right job title, the right manager, or the right system. Start where you are. Lead how you can. Let your values drive your decisions. Let your actions build trust. Let your presence make others feel seen.
Leadership is not something we talk our way into. It’s something we live our way into.
And when more of us start living that way, leadership won’t feel so rare anymore.
Coach’s Corner: 3 Questions to Reflect On
Reading about leadership is the easy part. The work begins when you close the tab and face your day. Before you go, ask yourself these three questions:
- The Mirror Test: If everyone on my team behaved exactly the way I did today—handling stress, communication, and deadlines the same way—would our culture improve or decline?
- The Waiting Game: Where am I currently waiting for permission, a title, or a “better time” to lead, when I could simply step forward right now?
- The Human Connection: Who is one person I need to truly listen to tomorrow—without trying to fix them, direct them, or judge them?
